Why butch lesbians are still battling society’s gender stereotypes

I have been on Pink Sofa on and off throughout the years. I have been lucky to have met some amazing friends on this site. I have also been in love and also been hurt. So here I am again!! I spent years in Melbourne and Sydney attending university and working in the media. To facilitate travel I then taught EFL. Had thoughts of leaving this section empty Hello I love animals the outdoors,spending time with mates,travelling going to retreats,camping, beach, city life,country life,exercise, open to all things. I also enjoy just relaxing with good company at home

The Red Zone: A place where butch lesbians live in fear

In this op-ed, Linzy Rosen explains how she learned to recognize and deal with misogyny from other women. Two lesbians spot each other…they silently contemplate whether it would be feminist to make the first move. Needless to say, it can be difficult to navigate the world of queer women. Oftentimes, queer female dating is viewed as easier than heterosexual relationships — the only challenge that exists will be avoiding bed death in the very distant future, right?

In truth, lesbian relationships, like any others, can be really , really hard. I was not just looking for women to Netflix and chill with when I started to swipe habitually on dating apps.

Three deaths and dozens of violent attacks have put butch lesbians in Chile’s Fifth region on red alert.

I have had the same face powder since I was in high school. Ninety-nine percent of my outfits involve a blazer or a faux-leather jacket, and a t-shirt. The only jewelry I wear is a pair of stud earrings. I love to cook and ordering takeout offends my New England thrifty sensibilities. I sew my clothes when they have a rip. Responsible and self-sufficient.

I pride myself on my independence and place a lot of value on keeping things simple. My type is so high femme , so high-maintenance, that she schedules all of our trips around her eyelash appointments. I also seem to find myself intrigued by wild and reckless party girls with a lack of time management. My skin remains pale as a ghost until the summer gives me a smattering of freckles, but I recently discovered that I have a talent for applying spray tan in the shower.

On nights out, my arm provides stability to a confection of lace, pleather , and platform heels. Usually, those heels are extra wobbly due to innumerable glasses of tequila on the rocks, quickly tossed back while I steadily sip my whiskey-gingers or PBRs.

BUTCH/FEMME COUPLES

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Aren’t a butch and a stud the same thing? Lesbian labels span a wide spectrum. At the far-masculine end, we have the butch lesbians: The ones who look and act​.

It is a golden Los Angeles afternoon the summer before my freshman year of college, and it feels like a weight is lifted with each lock of shoulder-length hair that falls onto the salon floor. One of my strongest childhood memories is sobbing on my bathroom floor, tugging at my tangled, rib-length black hair, intensely dysphoric but not knowing the word yet, not until years later.

She thought we had reached an impasse. Instead, the pierced, bleached-blonde hairdresser shears my liberation into existence. When she is done and I see my new undercut in the mirror, I almost cry, positively embodying the stereotype of a baby dyke. After picking me up from the hairdresser in furious silence, my mother begins to cry. Visiting New York over spring break to tour colleges changed something deep within me, though, or perhaps re-awakened something that laid dormant for years.

It gave me hope again.

A Chapstick Lesbian’s Guide To Dating High Femmes

Lesbian labels span a wide spectrum. At the far-masculine end, we have the butch lesbians: The ones who look and act like men. At the far-feminine end, we have the lipstick lesbians: The ones who are often misappropriated as straight women.

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This division was mainly along class lines, with the middle-class, educated women in the feminist camp, and the rest of us hanging around in bars, dressed in butch and femme attire and coupling up along those lines. Feminist theory rejected the notion of gender rules, and recognised masculinity and femininity as socially constructed rather than innate. I and many other feminists were often severely punished and discriminated against for refusing to conform to gender.

Our butch sisters, who had rejected femininity only to embrace stereotypical masculine appearance and behaviours, often suffered more that those of us attempting a gender-neutral stance. These women did not wish to pass as men — they were very proudly lesbian — and wore their butchness as a badge of honour. Men picked on them, often violently, probably because they saw their own masculine identity as under threat if women can embrace it, and get some good-looking femmes to sleep with them, what does that mean for men?

Today, the old butches are a dying breed. The veterans of the Gateways club are now as likely to blend in with the rest of us than wear a suit, tie and starched shirt. And many straight women are meeting us lesbians somewhere in the middle, and are also rejecting feminine fripperies, now that the punishment for doing so — after five decades of feminism — is less severe.

During a recent trip to Sweden, for example, I thought most women I saw in the street were lesbians, and the men sitting around in cafes with their babies, gay dads. It would appear that many folk can only cope with women as feminine and men as masculine. A number of lesbians I know who are on the butch side have been asked when they are transitioning. Being openly and proudly butch has now, as DeLaria says, become something that many in the lesbian community look down on.

This, I would argue, is a product of plain old sexism and misogyny.

Ever wondered why some ‘masculine’ lesbians date other masculine women? Here are some answers

I actually tricked one of my best friends into writing the majority of this blog for me. We were discussing the topic and she emailed me her experiences. She was kind enough to let me repost her email because she touches on the points I wanted to bring up. Looking forward to any readers input.

For a long time, online dating was a club for straight people. Sites like and eHarmony, whose co-founder is notoriously homophobic.

Online dating as a lesbian, for the most part, still involves having to deal with men. Many sites continue to surface guys as potential mates, despite setting your preferences otherwise. Up until recently, some of the nation has acted as though lesbianism didn’t exist outside of porn and Ellen Degeneres, and acted as if girls only turn to dating women if they had a bad experience with a man.

This, of course, is not true. If you’re reading this, it’s probably because you’ve experienced the frustration with dating sites and apps that claim to be inclusive to all sexual orientations, only to realize that some closeted quirks make it obvious that the straights are the target. Our pick for the best app specifically for lesbians is HER : The fact that it’s made by queer women for queer women is a breath of fresh air, and knowing that men showing up is next to impossible is so nice.

Not only can you find local matches that you never knew existed, but you can also get involved in local LGBTQ events, read LGBTQ news, and make friends through its social-media like feed. You can obviously find dates, but the lack of pressure to hook up or find a girlfriend is super inviting.

The Best Dating Apps For Lesbians, Queer, & Bi Women

No matter your method, dating isn’t easy. You can post up in your local watering hole and keep your eyes peeled for a gal or nonbinary person who strikes your fancy. You could ask your friends to set you up with one of their friends.

While others have explored how butch lesbians can emulate behaviors of misogynistic men, it’s actually women as a whole who have internalized.

To be honest, I dated her with the intention of experimentation. I was intrigued by the butch-femme dynamic that seemed to be so steeped in lesbianism and wanted to see what it would be like. Looking back, I realize how shallow and selfish I was to use her in satisfying my own curiosity, but the universe got me back when I ended up falling hard for a woman who had never so much as used concealer to cover a zit. I had no choice but to broaden my perspective in order to see things through her eyes.

My intention is to provide you with things to consider when choosing to date a butch woman; things that you might not have considered before. All guidelines go out the window if you are not in a safe and equitable relationship. These rules are only to be followed if you have a mutual trust and respect. I am presuming that, in choosing your partner, you have found someone who makes it her priority to maintain the best interest of your relationship.

If not, the rules are clearly not applicable. Butch women are well aware of how the world views them. Simply dressing and grooming for a butch woman can be a political statement—she is saying that the socially constructed version of womanhood does not define her. The confidence she has now has probably been hard-won. She has likely experienced her fair share of negativity at the cost of being true to herself.

Much like being a butch woman requires a certain level of confidence and security, so does loving one.

Lesbian Dating Site Guidelines

We promise to keep your information safe and will never post or share anything on your Facebook page. View Singles Now. Derisa Standard Member. Giving this a try :.

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But just how central are these roles when lesbians actively seek one another out for a possible relationship? In a study, we assumed that the importance of butch and femme roles for lesbians seeking a relationship would be reflected in the content of these ads. However, new combinations of butch-butch and femme-femme couples have also been observed in the past two decades.

In our study, we sought to determine what proportion of lesbians identified themselves as butch or femme when looking for partners through personal ads, and what proportion specified that they were seeking a butch-femme pairing. Sixteen newspapers were selected from across the U. At least two issues of each newspaper were included in our survey. All of the ads in this category were included for each of the sources in our sample. However, advertisers who were seeking exclusively sexual partners were excluded, as were advertisers who identified as bisexual.

The racial breakdown of advertisers was as follows:. What we found is that the vast majority of the lesbians who placed these ads—fully 75 percent—did not self-identify as either butch or femme.

Butch and femme

Jump to navigation. A recent video posted by notable vlogger, Arielle Scarcella has a set of butch lesbians crush all misconceptions people have about their kind. For the uninitiated, butch lesbians are women who are more inclined towards being masculine than they are towards the idea of being feminine. With the world finally warming up to the idea of same-sex relationships, Scarcella thought it only fair to pay attention to this lesbian community sub-group.

I’ve added an LGBT column for the website to make the site more However, if you are a butch lesbian, it’s a completely different story. and want to connect with local girls, I recommend lesbian dating apps like Her or Scissr.

Lesbian dating sites can help you find someone special locally or internationally. If you are having a difficult time finding someone you can connect with, it may be time to broaden your search and start dating online. You will discover that there are many different dating sites for lesbians. Take some time to browse through the sites before you start registering, and most importantly, paying any membership fees.

Here are some dating sites to start with:. You can take part in forum discussions, post or browse personals, chat with members , and shop at the online store. Lesbian Personals Online is a matchmaking site, which charges a fee to become a member. With your membership, you can receive a personalized profile, e-mail other members, send smiles to other members to break the ice, search its large database of lesbians, and share pictures.

PinkCupid is a website under the Cupid family of dating websites and is intended solely for women over the age of Membership is initially free and allows users to browse the profiles of other singles and “express interest,” but in order to access additional features such as direct messages, a paid membership must be purchased.

What Makes “Butch” Hot?